Category: Joke Board
To the citizens of the USA .
In the light of your failure to select a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves in a fair manner
{fair to the rest of us that is} we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,effective today. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth 2 will resume monarchical duties over all states ,commonwealths and other terrortries .Except Utah.Which she does not fancy.Your new Prime Minister {The Right Honourable Tony Blair MP for the 97.85% of you who will have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders} will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections.Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid the transition to a British Crown Dependency,the following Rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1.You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary.
2.then look up aluminium.
3.Check the pronounciation guide.You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have pronouncing it.Generally you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
4.Look up vocabulary!.
5.Using the same 7 words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and"you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
6.look up interspersed .
There is no such thing as "US English" we will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
You should learn to distinghuish the English and Australian accents it really isn't that hard.
Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
You should relearn your original National Anthem
"God Save The Queen" but only after fully carrying out task 1.We would not want you to get confused half way through.
{Those of Scottish descent will learn Flower Of Scotland in Gaelic!}
You should stop playing American "football".There is only 1 kind of football.What you refer to as football is not a very good game .The 21.5% of you who are aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American "football" you will no longer be allowed to play it,and should instead play proper football.Initially,it would be best if you played with the girls.It is a difficult game.Those of you brave enough,will in time,be allowed to play rugby {which is similar to American "football" but does not involve stopping for a rest every 20 seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies! We are hoping to get at least a US rugby 7's side by 2008.
You should declare war on France and Quebec,using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde.The 97.85% of you who were not aware of a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys!.
July 4th is no longer a public holiday.November will be a new national holiday,but only in England where it will be called "Indecision Day".
All American cars are hereby banned.They are crap and it's for your own good.When we show you German cars,you will understand what we mean.Your doing a terrible job of understanding cars.The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side.A second problem is pricing its cheaper to buy a car in Belguim and ship it to England than to buy a car in England.On the other hand we like Jaguars ect Thats why we bough the companies.
We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologise for the Teletubbies!
Regarding WW2 your welcome!.
what would they say? lol
I dread to think.smile
what would you do if this became reality.
...LIKE what?!!?! you say Man-Goblin ... we are the LIKE 'em you say Independent...well, Yes, this is true and you LIKE want to revoke your WHAT!?!?!?! Man-Goblin I think you are LIKE Really trying to be LIKE, himm now, I shall consider this Declaratin further and until then you are eh! being placed on notice LIKE that I read this whatever form of paper and LIKE it may be Good! for something and then something else again... *GREAT BIG SMILE* .===..Oh! and before I go to a forgettin', dear Man-Goblin! The Frozen Turkey, really Frozen and NOT like 'em a like say person who "ACTS LIKE A TURKEY," therefore said person this so called so NO NO NO person in me trunk of me aCar NO! JUST TURKEY, anyhow Turkey in home gettin' all a thawed and in memory a gobble or two *gobble gobble* can somehow be heard although THIS TURKEY of mine is a well, himm now, what shall I say, THIS TURKEY is B E Y O N D Gobbleing.... *smile* and soon shall be warming where feathers once were.... *HIM* HOPE you are able to understand mumble-gumble-gobbleing Man-Goblin... Well, must be a goin' for now. CG here